How to Fall Out of Love With the Wrong Guy
by Amebelena
Summary: After the fall of the Soviet Union, Natalya separates from Ivan and tries to live with Alfred. This didn't really work out that well. Natalya still seeks to stay away from her brother, so she decides to give living with Alfred another chance.
1. Chapter 1

1-

Natalya had already tried separating from her beloved big brother, Ivan. She had already attempted to live with that overly cheerful and loud American, Alfred. It didn't exactly work out too well, considering how she constantly weirded him out with her strange hobbies and how he constantly annoyed her with his overly positive attitude. It bothered her how he much he's able to smile. It bothered her how he constantly stuffed his face with fast food and ice cream. It bothered her how he never cleaned anything.

Natalya constantly tired Alfred out. It bothered him how much she frowned and refused to laugh or smile. It bothered him how much she refused to open up, how much she refused to eat his food most of the time. He didn't like her overly negative attitude, and he got rid of her.

But for odd some reason, they found themselves living with each other again.

Natalya still had her obsession with Ivan, but she eventually learned to try to distance herself from him. Nothing would stop her from loving him in that way, but she tried everyday to control it. She knew it was wrong and it made him extremely uncomfortable and scared, but she'd do anything for him. She knew there was no real point in sticking with him. She had a strong heart and will, but her feelings always came out as hostile and negative, no matter what she did. And she hated it.

She knew she should've went to live with her big sister, Katyusha, but she was unavailable. She was probably on a farming trip, and wouldn't be back for a while. She knew Toris or Felicks would want to help her, and they somehow consider her as their friend. But she doubted that she could deal with either of their personalities. There are reasons why she calls both of them annoying cat shit bastards. Reasons why even though Toris is so nice to her and has a crush on her that started in childhood she finds herself hating his guts and strangling him. Reasons why she finds herself calling Felicks in the afternoon and just sits there, not saying anything to him after he picks up just for the sake of it.

She weighed out her options. She thought about the Baltics, and decided that she'd rather not deal with those that were connected with Ivan. She knew she'd always have the option of living alone, but she felt like she needed someone's company to get through this, however annoying they could get. She hadn't really been acquainted with anyone that had nothing to do with her brother. The closest she could think of was none other than that one annoying, loud guy. As soon as he crossed her mind, she decided on him, not thinking any further so she couldn't change her mind and regret it. She knew what she was getting into, but she didn't want to turn back.

When she knocked on his door, Alfred practically shrieked and tried to shut the door in her face. But as soon as he opened it, she stuck her foot into the doorway and prevented him from shutting it. He reluctantly allowed her in, not saying anything until they awkwardly sat next to each other on the familiar couch in the living room, her suitcases resting on the floor next to her.

"Uh... Trying to separate yourself from your brother again?"

"Yeah."

"...Why'd you come back here of all places?"

"... Everyone else I know is connected to him. I feel like I need to stay away from them, too." She paused. "...And I guess I don't hate you _**completely.**_"

He smiled at that. "All right then, I guess you could stay here again for a while, if you have nowhere else to go."

She stood up and bent over to pick up her bags. "And since I'm _**such a great guy and her-**_"

She hit him with one bag in the stomach to stop him from completing the sentence. He grabbed his stomach and cried out in pain as she walked towards the staircase. She continued walking and arrived at the guest room. She put down one bag and touched the door, the door to the room that once belonged to her. She turned the knob and pushed open the door.

The room was messy and unkempt as usual. The pillows and blankets were on the floor, the curtains were practically falling off the window, and the desk was covered in miscellaneous clutter. Picking up her other bag, she was about to take a step into the room when she heard the irritating thumps of a certain someone running up the stairs after her. When Alfred caught up to her, he smiled widely, catching his breath. "Hey! I know you know where everything is and all, but let me be a good host and help you unpack!"

There it was, his cheery and positive attitude, even though Natalya knew he didn't really like her that much either. _What is with this guy? _Without her saying anything, he grabbed both bags out of her hands and followed her into the room. She immediately took back the bag that held all her clothes and her precious knife. She unzipped it and quickly placed all her neatly folded clothes into the dresser and stuffed the knife in her pocket. She certainly wasn't going to kill Alfred or anything, but you never know when you need it.

She looked over at him. He had placed the suitcase on the bed, and unzipped it. She walked over to him and snatched away the things he didn't need to see. As she put those away, he examined what was left. "Ah, still reading those crappy romance novels, I see!"

He laughed as she glared at him.

This was going to be hard to pull through.


	2. Chapter 2

2-

When Natalya lived with him, Alfred noted all of the things he noticed that she liked to do, whenever strange or normal. She had an interest with the occult, could see ghosts, and was a good fortune teller, scaring the crap out of Alfred. She always read the Russian newspaper _Pravda _in the mornings. She liked rock music. She was a good acrobat and exercised around the house in the afternoons. Sometimes, she just sat there, staring at objects for hours, such as her hair ribbons or random pieces of cardboard. There was even a time where she sat at the TV and watched the white noise for a total of three hours.

In the evenings, she would clean everything up for him. When she finished, she would immediately walk over to the phone and use it to prank call Toris and then "silent call" Felicks right after. She would talk to random ghosts floating around, and Alfred noticed that she had a specific disliking towards the American ghosts. She would take haunted pictures everywhere. She would stack blocks into rows of three and then knock them down, over and over again. She liked to collect cardboard and cardboard boxes, saying that she likes to pack things. Every time he tried to get her to eat french fries, she refused and instead cooked potatoes in her own way and ate them.

He found her waking up at five every morning to watch the sun rise. For some reason, she calls eight am "torture" and four pm "the devil". At nine am, she turns on the TV to watch "state-run TV to be poisoned by propaganda". At ten, she gets really excited, for it's the most thrilling time in Belarus. For some odd reason. As soon as the hour changes to eleven however, she is a nervous wreck, again for no apparent reason. At one, she calms down a bit and says to herself "you've forgotten". At two, she says to herself "it's all right, you have to start moving on".

And then she acts like absolutely nothing happened and goes on her merry way to run around the house.

Alfred can understand why Ivan is so scared of his strange little sister.

Not to mention she used to stalk him all the time and tried to force him to marry her.

But that clearly didn't work out, seeing as she's staying in America with Alfred now and she likes to sit around reading crappy romance novels.

Natalya learned many things about Alfred too. However, she paid more attention to his weaknesses, such as Dora the Explorer and the fact that he's afraid of ghosts, weighing scales, and marmite. It fascinated her how he could put those three things on the same level. She already loved watching scary movies with him and seeing him shit his pants while she talked calmly to the ghosts and ranted on how the blood flow in certain scenes were physically incorrect. She also liked wasting money on marmite, just to chase him around the house with it. It wasn't her money after all, and it was funny seeing a guy run around screaming because of British food spread in a jar. He'd even call Arthur over just to take back his horrible delicacy. The day when Natayla finds a ghost horror movie about gaining weight while eating British food will be freaking _amazing._

Alfred noticed that the only American food Natalya was fine with eating was ice cream. She only seemed to like the low-fat vanilla one. She refused to eat any other flavor. This was one of the things about her that made him deem she was inhuman.

After her sudden re-arrival and unpacking, Natalya immediately went back downstairs, Alfred stalking her as usual. He can't tell the difference between being a good host and just being a stalker. She was tempted to raid the fridge for some marmite, but knew there wouldn't be any since she's the only one that would buy it and she hadn't been in this house for months. So she instead decided to sit on the couch and watch TV. She tried to pay attention to the news, but Alfred was sitting next to her, as if expecting her to actually talk to him as if they were close friends who hadn't seen in each other in a long time. After a while, she couldn't take it anymore and sighed deeply.

"What?"

It felt like she was talking to the TV and not him.

"Do you want to eat-"

"No, you know I don't ever feel like stuffing my face with your disgusting, fattening fast food that will someday put you under cardiac arrest."

"Okay, then-"

"Alfred."

At this point, they actually looked at each other.

"I'm not some important, new guest you've never had before. I don't need an introduction or giant welcoming party."

"I know that, but still, I'd feel bad if I did nothing for you. Will you at least eat some ice cream? I know you only like low-fat vanilla, and it's not like you're ever going to get fat anytime soon anyway!"

She sighed again, knowing that he won't ever leave her alone. "Okay, fine."

He smiled and walked over to the kitchen. "Besides, what kind of party only has two people? There are no decorations or awesome food laying around either!"

He could never stay serious for too long.

He sat back down again, carrying the familiar tub of ice cream and two spoons. He opened the tub as she stared at him. "Explain to me why we're going to share this?"

"Because it'd be boring otherwise and I'm a great person?"

She knows it's not like he doesn't have any other tubs. The fatty had plenty of ice cream to choose from. She would never understand him.

He took a spoon and scooped up some ice cream. Instead of eating it, he tried feeding her. Which, as usual, turned out horribly.

"What the hell, you don't have to shove the damn spoon down my throat!"

He laughed.

It's time to buy some marmite.


	3. Chapter 3

3-

"Hey, Nat!"

Natalya rolled her eyes, and didn't even bother glancing at Alfred. She instead focused on reading. "What? And I never said you could call me that."

He ignored her annoyance with the nickname. "You wanna play _**Twister**_?" He wiggles his eyebrows up and down, making it sound way more sexual than it should. She kept a straight face and turned the page.

"... You seriously did not just ask me that."

He continued his eyebrow-wiggling, not caring that she wasn't even looking at him. After half a minute, she finally made eye contact with him.

"...Fuck you."

In response, he dramatically grabs his chest as if the words shot him. "That's so mean of you to say! I liked it better when you couldn't speak English!"

She switched to Belarusian. "I liked it better when I lived on the other side of the world from you."

"Well- Wait what did you say?"

She rolled her eyes again and went back to her book. She could fully understand English but he was horrible with Belarusian. As if reading her mind, he cuts back in, "Just goes to show how well of an English teacher I am and how _**horrible **_of a Belarusian teacher you are!"

At this, her temper gets to her and she throws the book at him. "I hate you. _**So. Much.**_"

The book hits him square in the face. Since it was a soft cover, it didn't hurt as much, unfortunately. "That's not true!" He looks at the book that hit him, now on the floor. "And I know you like crappy romance novels, but why the hell would you read _Twilight_?" He picks it up. "It's in Belarusian too!" He flips through the pages. "Wow. I understand absolutely none of this. So it's a lot better than the English one!"

She glared at him and he laughed at her, as usual. The phone then rang. She was glad for a reason to leave the room. She couldn't stand being in the same room as him for too long. She walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, girl, why'd you like, run over to America again?"

It was Feliks. Was she really that predictable?

"I needed to stay away from brother again."

"So you like, chose that American over like, me and Toris?"

"Yeah."

"That's like, so totally offensive!"

She felt like laughing a little at that. She kinda missed hearing Feliks's "valley girl-ness". She held the phone closer to her. "Yeah, I know."

"...So are you, like, okay?"

"... Yeah. I mean, Alfred's being Alfred, but I'm holding up." She paused. "So, how are my siblings and Toris?"

"Oh, they're all totally doing like, fine! You're the one we're like, worried about!"

She smiled a little. Of course they were worried about her. She stood there, holding the phone close to her and thinking about her friends and family.

"Hey, can I like, come over?"

This took her by surprise. "Huh?"

"I know it's like, not your place or anything, but I totally wanna visit you. If it's okay."

She thought about it. "Hmm... Alfred would probably be fine with it."

"Okay, yay! I'll be there in like, nine or ten hours. Bye, Nat!"

"Bye."

She hung up the phone. So that's that, Feliks was just going to fly over to America to Alfred's house. All of her friends and family knew where Alfred lived and his phone number since she's lived there before. They used to check on her all the time, too. She walked back into the living room where she left Alfred with her Belarusian copy of _Twilight_. She was quickly greeted with his butt in her face as he played Twister by himself.

"Oh, hey, Nat! Who was on the phone?"

"Feliks. Can you please put your ass down?"

"Well, you didn't want to play, so I'm just playing by myself!"

She was going to tell him how Feliks was going to get on a plane and fly over to the house, but she decided it would be pretty entertaining not to mention this. This was just how her relationship with Alfred worked, they tried to find every opportunity possible to mess with each other. And so, while Alfred was at a meeting that night, she met Feliks at the airport. She walked home with him, and they talked about how things were for both of them. They then proceeded to raid the fridge.

They talked, ate and drank for hours. It was twelve in the morning by the time Alfred got back. He was surprised to still see the light on through the window. Natayla never stayed up this late. He took out his key and unlocked the door. When he opened it, he found Natalya and Feliks casually camping out on the couch. They were clearly struggling to stay awake.

"Uh... Nat, care to explain to me why you're sitting on the couch with a guy wearing a pink dress and red heart sunglasses while holding vodka bottles with bagels all over the floor?"

At the sound of his voice, she woke up a bit more. "Huh? Oh, Feliks came to visit, he might stay for a while..." she slurred. She could barely keep her head up. Feliks was pretty drunk as well, and was ready to pass out right then and there. Alfred sighed. This was the first time that it was Alfred sighing at Natalya rather than the other way around. It felt strange and unnatural to him.

"I see that. What did you do, drink all night?" It was strange to accuse someone like her of drinking.

"Uh... Yeah, we played drinking games all night..." She yawned and wasn't going to be able to stay up for much longer either.

Alfred wondered how she was friends with someone like Feliks. It probably took a lot for someone to convince her to just relax and get drunk.

"Besides, I sit with you on this couch all the time. What's your point?" She managed to get that last sentence out before falling completely unconscious. Alfred stared at the two, passed out on his couch. He knew how to deal with a drunk Arthur, but not Feliks who he barely knew, and definitely not Natalya. Silently, he stepped closer to Natalya and gently picked her up. He'd never understand the whole "only low-fat vanilla ice cream" thing, she barely weighed anything.

He gave her a piggyback ride upstairs to her room, being very careful not to wake her up. He laid her down gently onto the bed, covered her with the blankets, and left. He went back downstairs and turned off the light. Seeing Feliks still passed out on the couch, Alfred wondered what it'd be like to have both Natayla and Feliks living with him. How long were they both going to stay? He walked back upstairs to his room and laid on his bed. He fell asleep, worn out from the meeting. As he slept, he wondered how tomorrow morning would be like.


	4. Chapter 4

4-

As the week progressed, Natalya continued getting drunk with Feliks every night. While this caused more work for Alfred, he secretly liked giving Natalya piggyback rides up to her room without her killing him. She was always too intoxicated to question how she woke up in her bed every morning. But for some odd reason, no matter how hungover she got, she was still able to keep up her ritual of watching the sun rise. And it was pretty entertaining to see her fail to recognize Feliks right away every time, causing her to violently tackle him to the floor every morning.

Although, Alfred was still concerned about her drinking. He noticed that she was always less full of energy. She was still able to give him her snide cynicism, and she was always reluctant to go out and do something fun, but when she was drunk she felt like doing absolutely _**nothing**_. She wasn't even in the mood to read her crappy romance novels, and that really worried him. The only thing she did feel like doing was getting even more drunk by the end of the day. He was worried about her health.

And even though he barely knew Feliks, Alfred was still worried about him too. It was because of him that Natalya was like this in the first place. Alfred had no problem with him visiting and their strange friendship, but it was his job to look after the both of them. So, on one morning while Feliks was still passed out, he took Natalya out for lunch. At McDonald's.

She was way more tolerable to drinking than Feliks was, even though he claimed it was the other way around. She was actually able to stay awake during the day, she was just never in the mood to do anything. Feliks, however, couldn't stay awake for long. Every time he did wake up though, he would groggily ask where he was and what day it was, then instantly fall unconscious again. When Alfred asked Natalya to go eat with him, she immediately refused at first. She knew he would take her to McDonald's, and it was never a good idea to leave Feliks alone in a house, drunk or sober.

"Aw, come on, Nat! I don't want you to just sit there like a dead fish! You need to get outside and stop drinking! I mean, it's good to spend time with friends, but you shouldn't just drink every single night. And there's always the fact that you guys are underage."

"May I remind you that you're underage too, and the one with the vodka in his fridge?"

"...That's not my fault, it's Arthur's!"

"Yeah, okay."

"...Will you just go with me?"

"...Fine. But you know I'm not going to eat anything, and it's not my fault if we come back and the house is painted a wicked hipster pink."

"Well, you need to eat somethi- Wait, what?"

"Exactly."

They were almost out the door. As they left, she took one last look at Feliks passed out on the couch. She hoped he'd stay like that while they were gone, but knew he'd wake up before that. As they walked, she found herself glad that Alfred dragged her outside. She liked the fresh air and gained more energy. She knew she would need the energy for later.

They arrived at the front door of the fast food restaurant that she despised with a burning passion. As Alfred was about to open the door for her, she decided to mention something to him.

"You know, the last time I went to lunch with someone, I got soup spilled on my head, lost the love of my life and was publicly humiliated which resulted in an empty seclusion from reality that lasted for months." She smirked at him. "But no pressure or anything."

They sat at a table and Alfred ordered a bunch of fries, burgers, and soda for them. Natalya sat there and watched as he stuffed his face. Even if she knew him well, she still found it inhuman how much the fatty eats. He stopped for a second, pushed some food toward her, and continued. With his mouth full, he ordered her to eat some. She sighed. He seemed pretty insistent this time, and it'd be a waste of money... She slowly complied.

As soon as she took one tiny bite into a hamburger, he swallowed his food and practically jumped a few feet off the booth seat. He gave her a million watt smile. "Yay! Now was that so hard?"

"...Yes."

He laughed and they continued eating. Natalya was starting to think that maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

They finished eating and left, both of them in high spirits.

"Now that you finally ate fast food, my new goal is to see a real smile from you!"

She smirked at him. "So this isn't a real smile?"

"No, that's a smirk, there's a difference! I want to see you really smile, because of something that made you happy and you just can't help it. I'll try my best to make you smile!"

Seeing him smile and hearing him say this caused her cheeks to flush. She quickly turned away from him, placed her arms across her chest defensively, and instead focused on a tree a few feet away.

"...Yeah, good luck with that."


	5. Chapter 5

5-

"I. Freaking. _**Told. You.**_"

As predicted, Alfred and Natalya returned to find the house painted a wicked hipster pink. They stood right in front of it, Natalya crossing her arms and rolling her eyes in annoyance, Alfred standing there in shock with gaping eyes and his mouth wide open. Once he finally grasped the situation, he began running around and shouting frantically. "OH MY GOSH! WHAT THE HELL NAT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING ABOUT THAT!"

"Why would I kid about that? Do you seriously think I kid about anything?"

"OKAY FINE, THAT'S TRUE, BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS HUNGOVER, HOW'D HE HAVE THE TIME TO PAINT MY HOUSE PINK!?"

Natalya sighed deeply and shook her head. "Never underestimate Feliks and his weirdness." Alfred continued having a spazz attack, not caring that cars were driving by and everyone could see him. Natalya didn't exactly want to be caught outside with the guy disturbing the whole neighborhood, so she proceeded to violently kick the door down and shriek at Feliks. "_**Feliks!**_ Haven't Toris and I lectured you enough about going around and painting other people's houses a wicked hipster pink without their permission? You set Alfred off and now he won't stop having seizures outside and publicly humiliating himself."

At the piercing sound of her voice, Feliks immediately rolled off the couch, startled. His red heart sunglasses fell off his face, and he sat up. "H-Huh?" He looked around, forgetting where he was and the day again. Natalya realized that he wouldn't even remember painting the fricking house. She face palmed and instead looked out the window at Alfred. He was still at it, kicking and screaming. In a horrible mood now, she quickly ran outside, dragged him back in to prevent any more humiliation, and shut the door. She hoped nobody recognized her, but she was certain people saw her.

Within the few minutes she took to do those things, Feliks had already passed out on the floor again. "Are you freaking serious!? Learn how to stay up for once!" She kicked his limp body, jolting him awake yet again. She glanced at Alfred beside her, who was silently combusting on the inside. Well, it was progress.

Feliks rubbed his eyes groggily. "Nat? Like, what is it?"

She grew even more angry. He had already forgotten what she said just a few minutes ago. She took a deep breath. "Feliks. I am very pissed off at the moment. I'm aware that your drunk ass can't comprehend _anything_ right now, but while we were gone you managed to paint Alfred's house pink, and you are going to fix it." She smiled cruelly. "_Got it, you damn cat shit bastard_?"

Feliks gulped, clearly intimidated and now fully awake. "Yes, like, totally!" Now that she woke him up, she interrogated him further. "Where did you get the paint?"

He answered without missing a beat. "From a store, like Lowe's, not too far away from here." He scampered back onto the couch.

"All right." She turned to Alfred and sighed. "I think I know what we'll be doing all day. Let's buy some more paint."

"I'm all for dragging you along with me to places, but I think one of us should keep an eye on this guy, and preferably you."

"Ugh, you're right." She sat back down on the couch with Feliks. "Have fun buying paint."

"Thanks, I will, you have fun babysitting a hungover cross dresser!" He placed a hand on her shoulder. "And please, stay out of the fridge this time?"

She snorted and looked away. "Will do. Please avoid having _seizures_ out the door this time."

He laughed. Then, out of nowhere, he pet her head and left before she could kill him. This left her flustered and blushing as Feliks teased her about it. She slapped him away and looked for something else to do. Miraculously, the phone rang at that moment, and she went to go answer it. "Hello?"

"H-Hi Natalya! I just wanted to check on you and Feliks!"

It was Toris. She wasn't sure what was better, talking to Toris, or having Feliks tease her over Alfred. But she quickly decided on Toris when Feliks randomly started to sing about "Nat and Alfred sitting on a tree" very loudly. She glared at him to make him stop and went back to Toris. "Hi, Toris. We're doing all right. Except _someone_ got ahold of pink paint again."

"What? Oh no, I'm so sorry! I apologize for his actions, please apologize to Alfred for me too."

She couldn't help but smile a little. Toris was always acting like Feliks was his responsibility. "Will do." She didn't really want to tell him about the whole "getting drunk" thing, though. He didn't need to know about that...

A silence passed between them.

"U-Um, if it's okay with you, I'd like to visit too... I could help repaint the house if you hadn't already, and I could take Feliks back home with me."

That sounded pretty good. And certainly Alfred wouldn't mind. He'd be glad to have some extra help with repainting and taking care of that hungover cross dresser. So, she accepted his request and hung up the phone. She was glad to find Feliks had passed out again. She opened up her Belarusian copy of Twilight and continued reading where she left off.

When Alfred returned, they both pretended that the whole head-petting thing never happened. He carried in some paint and paint rollers. As he did, Natalya told him about Toris coming over. He grinned. "Thanks for actually telling me this time! Do people from your side of the world usually act like getting on a nine to ten hour plane ride is casual?"

She smirked. "Yeah, don't yours?"

Feliks woke up at the news of Toris coming over. "Oh my gosh, Toris is, like, coming over? Yay!" He clapped his hands. Remembering his sunglasses on the floor, he picked them up and placed them back on his face. "We can all, like, totally have a slumber party in Nat's room!"

Alfred stared at him as Natalya face palmed. "Why are you guys friends again?"

They both answered at the same time.

"I was forced to socialize with him when we were little."

"Because we like to watch Russian porn together and talk about how small Toris's dick is!"

She cupped her hands over Feliks's mouth. "WHAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."

She knew it'd be hours before Toris would get there, but she wished he'd come and pick Feliks up already.


	6. Chapter 6

6-

Throughout the day, Natalya and Feliks didn't drink at all. Alfred was happy to see this. However, he couldn't help but worry about the fact that his house was still pink at the very moment and plenty of people would see. Toris wouldn't arrive until midnight, so the house would be pink all day until tomorrow morning. Alfred would be fine with just repainting it with Natalya and Feliks right away, but he had an important meeting he'd be at for most of the day, and he didn't want to leave his guests with the task of painting his house. Plus, he wasn't sure if leaving Natalya alone with Feliks with paint was a good idea. He trusted that she could get the job done, but she would most likely spend the whole time murdering Feliks instead.

And there was always the possibility of them raiding the fridge again.

They were both clearly sober with the intentions of staying that way, but they could always slip back into it.

Before he had to go to the meeting, he spent the day playing Twister with Feliks while Natalya read her copy of _Twilight _in her room. As soon as they started playing, she immediately got up and left. After they were done, he left the room and Feliks decided to instead watch TV. Alfred walked upstairs to Natalya's room and knocked on the door. "Hey, Nat, I'm leaving now! Watch Feliks and don't get drunk!"

She opened the door, the book still in hand. "Yeah, all right. Though I'll remind you that we're all the same age and I'll never feel like drinking ever again."

He chuckled and pet her head again. "That's good."

She tried to ignore the fact that he pet her again and that her cheeks flushed. "How long are you going to be at the meeting?"

"Probably until around twelve again. I'll pick up Toris at the airport, and you can enjoy your slumber party with the hungover cross dresser!"

"May I remind you that you were just playing Twister with that hungover cross dresser?"

"May I remind you that you're friends with him because of Russian porn and Toris's di-"

She threw the poor book at him again. "That never happened, I have no idea what you're talking about." The book fell to the floor, and he bent over to pick it up. He returned it to her and noticed her bookmark wasn't there.

"Whoa, did you actually finally finish this book?"

"Yeah."

"You've been reading it forever! I'll never understand how you're able to read these things."

Feliks's voice came from downstairs. "Yeah, and now you can, like, start reading the next book, finish the whole series, and catch up with me and, like, the rest of the world! And you, like, totally can't deny the porn and Toris's di-"

"YES I CAN, SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Alfred and Feliks both broke out laughing at her. She rolled her eyes, pushed Alfred out the doorway, and shut the door. "If you're going to leave, then go already!"

He smiled at the door, as if sensing that she was leaning against it, with her arms crossed over her chest and blushing. "'Kay, see you later, Nat!" He ran down the stairs and left. Once he did, she dropped her guard and threw herself onto her bed. She laid on her back and stared at the ceiling. It wasn't until in that moment that she realized how while she was drunk, she always woke up in her bed. She knew that no one but Alfred would've been able to carry her to bed every night... At the thought of this, she blushed harder. She then walked over to the giant pile of crappy romance novels lying on her desk, opened up a new book, and read herself to sleep.

When she woke up, she found that Feliks had let himself into her room. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, reading the same book that she was reading earlier. "Feliks? What time is it, are Alfred and Toris here yet?" She wasn't sure if she asked the question with hope or dread.

"It's, like, ten, Nat." He got up, placed her book back on top of her pile, and pulled a granola bar out of his pocket. "You, like, didn't eat dinner with me, eat something!"

He tossed it at her, and she caught it, thanking him. She took a bite out of it, grateful for something besides the usual fast food and ice cream Alfred was feeding her. He sat back down with her, and she smirked at him. "I'm surprised that you've been able to recover from being such a drunk ass." She applauded him mockingly.

He bowed. "Why, like, thank you! I'm quite, like, surprised and proud of myself, too!"

They both laughed. They continued to talk about silly things, like how he could stop mentioning the porn and Toris's dick thing, and laughed for hours. As planned, they did have a slumber party in her room. 'Cause apparently it's okay to share your bed with a guy as long as he was in a dress.

When Alfred returned with Toris, he opened the door to Natalya's room to check on her. He smiled seeing that she did indeed have a slumber party with Feliks. Seeing her sleeping peacefully with her friend close beside her, he realized that he wouldn't be able to give her secret piggyback rides up to her room anymore. To make up for it, he tiptoed over to her, leaned down, and kissed her on the forehead gently. He was amazed with how heavy of a sleeper she was. He left quietly, wishing she'd stay with him for long.


	7. Chapter 7

7-

The next morning, Natalya woke up to watch the sun rise, as usual. When she sat up, she remembered that Feliks was also in her bed, still sleeping on her lap. So instead of going to to the large window in the living room to watch as she always did, she opted to stay and watch through her small bedroom window, as to not wake him up. She wondered how long she'd have to wait before he woke up, he always got up at random different times every morning. She knew that no one else would be up. Alfred always knew when she was up, but he wouldn't join her for breakfast until hours later, at ten. She knew that Toris also liked to wake up early, and would probably end up insisting on making breakfast for everyone, but he'd wait until Alfred was up to ask. Laying back down carefully, she decided to get five extra hours of sleep.

Later at ten, she heard Alfred and Toris moving about. Alfred had turned the TV on and Toris was making breakfast, as predicted. Feliks heard the TV and woke up, groggily getting off of Natalya's lap. "Good morning, Nat, I hope I didn't, like, keep you from getting up." He got up off of the bed and yawned.

"You did. But don't worry about it." She stretched out her arms and got out of bed too. Her arms still over her head, she realized that her bedroom door was open. She knew that it was closed last night during their little slumber party. Feliks seemed to notice too. "Ooh, that means Alfred, like, came in here last night-"

She quickly walked past him out the doorway and to the bathroom. Satisfied with himself, Feliks cheerfully walked downstairs to the kitchen to talk to Toris.

When Natalya went downstairs, she hoped Feliks forgot about Alfred while he was lost in conversation with Toris. By the time she was down, Toris had finished making breakfast and was setting the table. They all sat down around the table and ate. Alfred and Natalya sat there, listening to Feliks chattering away in a mostly one-sided conversation with Toris. While they were busy with that, Alfred leaned over to Natalya, who was beside him, and whispered, "So, why are you friends with Toris? Do you guys like to watch Russian porn together and talk about how small Feliks's dick is?"

She looked over at Feliks and Toris, still occupied with each other. She rolled her eyes at Alfred. "No. I was also forced to socialize with him when we were little, too. You could call the three of us 'childhood friends', I guess."

Feliks overheard and joined the conversation. "Yeah, and there's, like, the fact that Toris totally has a crush on Nat and would do anything for her!"

Natalya was tempted to break some plates over his head. Toris was taken by surprise with the sudden outburst and just sat there silently, blushing and looking at the floor. Alfred continued eating as if nothing happened and kept listening to Feliks as he went on. "... There was, like, this one time when they went on, like, a date for three minutes, and she totally broke all of his fingers! And there was, like, this other time when he kissed her when we were little, and she, like, ended up doubling over on the ground, like, vomiting!"

At this point, Natalya couldn't take it anymore and kicked him under the table very hard. He shut up for the rest of the meal. Toris laughed nervously and carried on a conversation with Alfred.

They planned to repaint the house after breakfast, much to Alfred's liking. Toris was already outside with Feliks, getting the paint out. Alfred was about to join them, but stopped when he saw Natalya retreating upstairs to her room. He followed her up the stairs. She stopped in front of her room, her back to him. "What?"

"Don't you want to help repaint the house?"

She didn't say anything, and instead went inside her room, grabbed a baseball bat, and came back out. "_Alfred. _As one of the few people who I've _**ever**_ called a friend, you are inclined to knock me out with this bat."

He laughed, and took the bat out of her hands. "Geez, you love your friends so much, huh? And I thought you hated me. And why do you keep a bat in your room?"

She groaned. "Excuse me for not really wanting to paint your house in this hot weather with the guy who keeps mocking me and giving off way too much info. I do hate you, and doesn't everyone keep a baseball bat in their room?"

"No, they don't. Do you know how friendship works?"

"Of course. Now please knock me unconscious or else I will have to kill you and commit suicide afterward."

"You mean like Romeo and Juliet?"

"...I hate you."

Without any warning, he threw the baseball bat back into her room, grabbed her hand, and ran down the stairs, dragging her with him out the door. Once outside, she reluctantly painted the house with them. As usual, Feliks was being Feliks, but in the end she actually ended up enjoying herself. She would never admit that to anyone though.

When they were done, they went back inside. They all sat on the couch, watching TV and talking. Toris was talking about when he would leave and take Feliks back with him.

"But I, like, totally don't want to go yet! We still need to, like, have a slumber party in Nat's room together!"

While Feliks whined to Toris, Alfred leaned over to whisper to Natalya again, like in the morning. "Hey, guess what, Nat?"

She looked at him, annoyed. "What?"

"I got invited to a fancy party, and to keep up a good rep, you're going to go with me and pretend to be my wife!"

"...What. The. Fuck."

"C'mon, it'll be super fun! You look like someone who's given up in life, but who cares? You have to go along, no objections! Hahaha!"

Again, Feliks overheard and joined in. "Oh my gosh, like, a fancy party!? Now I'm totally staying, let's all, like, go shopping together!"

Toris was laughing nervously as usual, and Natalya face palmed.


	8. Chapter 8

8-

"Oh my gosh, like, shopping adventure, yay!"

Toris had made lunch for everybody, and now that they were all done eating, Feliks wanted nothing more than to go shopping for dresses. He clapped his hands and smiled, eager to leave. He got up off of the couch and was about to fling the door open when Natalya grabbed his hand. "We'll go when you put some pants on."

He crossed his arms over his chest in the same manner that she usually did and puffed out his cheeks, pouting. "Humph, like, fine."

After he changed, they all got into Alfred's car. Toris silently got into the backseat while Feliks and Natalya fought over the passenger seat. She immediately shut him up with her knife, though. In the car, she wondered why she couldn't have gone dress shopping by herself.

"Do you even have any girl friends? It's kind of strange to go shopping for a fancy party with only three guys, even if you are forcibly living with them."

She looked over at Alfred. She was surprised that they hadn't crashed into anything yet. "May I remind you that you're the one forcing me to go to this party? And no, I don't have a lot of friends. I'm stuck with those two." She glanced over at Feliks and Toris, who were having their own mostly one-sided conversation, as usual. "I mean, I have my brother and sister, and I'm acquainted with the other Baltics. But my brother's kind of the reason why I'm currently stuck with you, and my sister's somewhere in Ukraine, dealing with her own business. And I think you've had enough people from my side of the world fly over and take refuge in your house."

He laughed. "That's true! Even if I am such a _great hero, _I couldn't possibly take care of any more guests!"

They kept driving for a while, and it wasn't until then that Natalya realized how many strip clubs there were in America. She rolled her eyes, and out of nowhere stated one word simply. "Pervert."

In the exact moment the word left her lips, Feliks had stopped talking to Toris, so it was out in the open. Alfred was shocked and gasped dramatically. "No I am not! It's Francis's fault, okay!?"

She continued staring out the window. "Yeah, okay." She saw from the mirror that Feliks was snickering at them and Toris was smiling nervously. In a few more moments, she was glad to see that they had finally reached the store.

When they all walked inside, people gave them weird looks, even if Feliks wasn't wearing a dress. Natalya knew that the old fashioned dress Ivan gave her was horribly out of style to these Americans, and it was, as Alfred stated before, strange for a girl to go shopping with three guys. They kept walking and ignored everyone. She didn't blame them though, Feliks was having the time of his life, running around the store, scouting for dresses. He dragged poor Toris along with him, and merrily skipped away.

Alfred and Natalya sat down at a bench intended for trying on shoes. She sighed when she saw Feliks flash by for a moment, his arm carrying a few dresses clearly meant for her, his other arm dragging Toris along with him wherever he went. As they passed by, Toris asked Alfred if it was all right for him to look for suits for him. Alfred answered back with a yes and they disappeared again. Natalya looked down at her shoes, knowing that she'd need to buy some new heels, too. "Wow, they're way more into this than we are!"

She looked at Alfred sitting beside her, observing Feliks and Toris running around the store like maniacs. She gave out a little laugh. "Yeah, are you sure you can't just take Feliks with you instead? You know he has no problem with being in a dress."

"I think they'd notice if I brought a guy in a dress."

"Why? There are flat-chested girls."

"Well yeah, but you're going to have to socialize with people."

She groaned. She wasn't too good with socializing with people.

"But, I know you're not too good with socializing with people. Don't worry about it, I'll train you!"

He made it sound like she was a freaking dog or something. Maybe she could just pretend that she couldn't speak English.

"And no, you can't just pretend that you can't speak English."

"Damn it."

Feliks and Toris then came back to them. Toris had picked out a few suits for Alfred, while Feliks had a big pile of dresses in his arms that almost covered his face. Natalya didn't doubt that some of them were for him. He knew that she wasn't into bright, cheery, colorful dresses, or anything too revealing. So when some of the dresses were total stripper-dresses, she couldn't help but mention it.

"But strippers are strippers and don't wear dresses, right? I mean, seeing as how many strip clubs there are around here that you called me a pervert for, we could go see if you want."

"Eh, no thanks. I'm not really in the mood to see an awkward stripper dance. And for the last time, we're all underage."

"You in the mood for Russian porn instead?"

She hit him in the arm and silently walked over to the changing rooms with Feliks. As she went to the girl's side, she wondered how the reactions of the guys on the other side were like when they saw Feliks skipping in with a pile of bright, colorful dresses in his arms. She inspected her own pile of dresses and noticed immediately that all the dresses were long and in dark colors. She applauded Feliks for knowing exactly what she would wear. She tried them all on, and in the end, decided on a simple black cocktail dress.

When she came back out from the changing rooms, she sat with Alfred and Toris on the same bench from earlier. She had returned all the dresses she didn't want and carried the black one in her arms. She saw that Alfred had already chosen his suit too, now they were just waiting on Feliks to finish his unnecessary shopping spree. They sat there and talked for a solid twenty minutes before Feliks finally came back out. Natalya face palmed when she realized that he was buying every single dress he had picked out. She gave him a look. "What? They're, like, souvenirs from America!"

"Yeah, okay."

"I'll, like, wear every single one!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

She turned to Alfred. "I apologize in advance for your money."

Feliks then noticed which dress Natalya chose and grabbed her by the arm. "Ooh, that's, like, a good choice! Let's go find some, like, shoes and accessories now!"

She sighed and wondered when the shopping trip would be over.

And so, she found herself alone on the bench with Alfred again while Feliks dragged poor Toris along with him to look for shoes and accessories. "So when is this stupid party anyway?"

"Day after tomorrow. And guess what?"

Her face grew unamused. Good things never came out of him asking that question. "What?"

"I even got us fake wedding rings!"

"...Are you freaking kidding me."

"Nope!"

He pulled out a box from his pocket and pulled out the rings. He got down on one knee in front of her and acted like he was proposing, causing random people around them to fangirl and take pictures. He pushed the ring onto her finger as she pretended to smile. Through gritted teeth, she spoke to him. "You _imbecile. _Thank you for causing a scene as usual. I hate you. _**So. Much.**_"

He smiled and pet her head. "You're welcome! I love you too!"

At the end of the shopping trip, Natalya ended up with a new dress, pair of high heels, pair of earrings, necklace, shawl, gloves, and fake wedding ring.

When they got back to Alfred's house, Natalya thought that she could finally relax after the whole thing, but instead had Alfred break into her room while she was trying to read. She wished that he didn't have the key to her room, but of course he did. "What do you want?" She still had the book in her hands, and the ring was still on her finger.

"Training of course!"

"For the party? Right now? We just got home from one of Feliks's shopping trips!"

"So?"

Leave it up to Alfred to still have energy after all that. Natalya sighed, placed her bookmark back in the book, and set it back on her pile. "Okay, well I know that there's no point of kicking you out and I kind of need this, so what are we going to do?"

"I need to teach you how to ballroom dance and what to say to the other guests. And you need to say your name's Natalya Jones."

"Natalya Jones?" It felt so unnatural on her tongue.

"Yeah! It's a lot easier to say than Natalya Arlovskaya!"

He taught her the "wealthy etiquette" and how to make small talk with the other guests. She would end up talking about boring stuff with the other wives, like the details of their marriages that they all totally cared about. She would have to make up a bunch of crap about her relationship with Alfred. Hopefully, she could get away with saying one-word sentences and walking away quickly before anyone noticed. And she could always disobey Alfred and just insist on not knowing any English and instead cuss everyone out in Belarusian. That would be _glorious_.

They continued on, and he taught her how to ballroom dance. To her surprise, he really wasn't too bad. It was uncomfortable at first, of course, but when she got the hang of it, she forgot about how close he was to her at the moment. She actually somewhat enjoyed it. Even after she got comfortable with it, she still stepped on his foot on purpose at times, just for the fun of it. Those feelings evaporated quickly when he insisted she try dancing with her new heels on, though. She knew she would have to eventually, of course, but she was afraid of messing up horribly.

"I am going to fall on my face."

"What? No you're not, c'mon!"

Sitting on her bed, she looked at her feet. She was wearing the heels, but refused to stand up. He stood in front of her, bent over, and took her hand. She realized that he was wearing the ring too.

"Every time you fall, I'll catch you."

She smiled a little and looked away.

"Yeah, good luck with that."

And with that, she stood back up.


End file.
